Honestly, it really is. I have so many assignments to keep up with, and on the rare two days I haven't had homework, what did I do? Waste time sleeping, which I always get yelled at for by my mom. If my mom comes home and finds me sleeping, she wakes me up and yells at me to do my homework. Wtf? I'm sleeping because I'm too tired to do my homework before it, bitch. I'd love to see her try to do all of my English homework. I have major assignments due in one week that I was just told about today that if I fail, I will fail my class and go from a B+ to a D- in less than a heartbeat. And it's fucking hell to raise it up again. I finally got my ParentLink this year, and I pretty much have to check everyday to see what grades I need to get up to an A. The stress of all this is fucking eating me alive. I'm about to pull out my hair and scream, no joke. I have no idea how other honor students made it past freshman year alive. And without white hair. I've gotten at least 30 more just from the month and a half/two months that we've been in school. Outside of grades, I absolutely love school now. It's totally amazing. But in class, I'm ready to just stab myself, climb into a coffin, and die. I can't fucking handle this. It's too much homework, too little time, and badly timed club activities. Take tomorrow, for instance. I got chosen to go to a leadership training for free on climate change which could potentially earn my school a $1000 grant if we can reduce the amount of CO2 we release. (And with all our computers, I'm thinking we give out A LOT.) That's lovely and I'm honored, but it's a five hour training. I need those five hours for all the homework I can squeeze in. So now I'm stuck probably pulling an all nighter and being tired at the training so that I can make up for the homework that I need to be doing in those five hours. Then my friend is probably staying over for the night. And I'll probably have to pull another all nighter to finish up some more homework that I won't have time to do. Then I'll sleep at around eight in the morning, wake up at noon, and do homework for the rest of the day. And you know what? I still won't be finished. Because that's just how big these assignments are. And I'm freaking the fuck out, but I know that in the end, I still have to do it. I have to do it if I don't want my mother to murder me in the middle of the night for failing my classes, even if I've literally gotten sick from all the stress this is giving me. Yes, I am physically sick from it. You guys know I barely get sick, maybe once or twice a year. Well, I'm sick, but in more of a mental way than anything. I hardly have time to sleep or eat, I keep my contacts in for pretty much five days a week now (which reminds me that I have to take them off tonight), and I couldn't sit up straight without being in pain for a long while because I was so used to sitting, hunched over my desk for hours, doing homework. I'm fucking sick of all this. I don't only want Winter Break, but I NEED it. I need it like the sun needs the moon right now. I would love nothing better than to have two weeks off from school for my health to recuperate and regenerate to its normal self again, even if just for a short while. The thing that sucks ass? It's not for two months and I have homework over break.
Someone shoot me now.
